Lately I have been struggling quite often with my brain. I’ve truly been feeling that verse that says it is not a battle against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). There are forces lieing to me. Then I give in to the lies. It makes me feel bad about myself, then I just don’t want to do anything. It’s a battle in my mind to not give in to the lies. Lies that tell me no one cares, that I’m too pushy, that I’m invisible, and other things. Once I give in and let myself believe the lies, I feel guilty for feeling down, because I know the lies are not true. It’s all in my head and there’s actually evidence to prove otherwise.
In reading Psalm 16, verse one really sticks out. David is pleading for safety and refuge. I have asked God to be my refuge from my own mind. I don’t want to give in to the lies anymore. Verse four is particularly true when it says “troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods.” Those lies can become gods if I allow them to control my decisions, especially when they affect how I interact with other people.
Jason Gray had it right when he sang “Hold Me Back.” I need God to hold back the selfish jealous part of me so that his love can shine through. I need God’s strength though because it is so hard sometimes.